I've made a mistake today, even though its supposed to be a joyful Chinese New Year. For the likes of the devil my flesh flared up and I hit my sister in anger. :( I guess all those talk about grieving the Holy Spirit over almost anything is really nonsense for I have felt firsthand, the grief of the Holy Spirit. It really doesn't feel good ain't it so, from the depths of my soul I can feel it doesn't.

People who have known me over the years can attest to the fact that I'm a person with no temperament. It is almost next to impossible to get me angry over anything. I'm disappointed in myself today, I have nothing to say except to express for remorse, my seeking of forgiveness and of course gratefulness in one logical string of actions knowing that my Lord my God has already forgiven me and will be by my side no matter what I think of Him. But the actions of my mother grieves my heart, for when will she understand that sheltering oneself will only render one weaker and weaker, more dependent than ever? I guess she will never see my way of thinking, but again, its not going to be up to me. Dear Jesus Christ, this is Your task, Lord. I am helpless and I render myself to You. I place my faith in my Lord. As much as I put the disappointment of how little my mother have known me over the years, into Your hands. Entrusting my everything to You my Lord.

Thankful for Your Words in the Bible that has never ceased to calm me down. Indeed, I would always justify myself after an outburst, an argument in the past. Tonight, I sat down, tried self-justification, and find myself turning to Your Word. Even though Matthew 25:31-46 doesn't really relate to my situation, I truly felt in connect with You in the very short moment; I seem to understand that there is something You want me to know: I am loved. I am understood. You are always there for me. And there there, no more self-righteousness, only God's righteousness; no more indignity, only Your favour.

With all of that, I shall apologize and I give all my thanks and my praises to You, my Lord, my God Jesus Christ my redeemer. Amen.